Episode Transcript
Through the Looking Glass
“Prince Prigio,” Part 5
ANNNOUNCERLAND
ANNOUNCER
Jabberwocky Audio Theater presents “Prince Prigio,” by Andrew Lang, part five of six.
EPISODE FIVE PROPER
NARRATOR
Welcome back, dear listeners. The last episode of Prince Prigio ended so perfectly, right at the end of chapter, that I almost don’t want to do a summary, but just to be quick…
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
We’re in the true and ficticious land of Pantouflia where
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
A king and a queen have a very clever young boy, Prince Prigio, who is so annoyingly clever that
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
The king wants him to die at the hands of a Firedrake, but instead, Prince Prigio’s two younger brother are slain by the Firedrake instead so
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
The King, Queen, and entire court abandon Prigio leaving him nothing to eat and nothing to wear so he
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
Wanders into a garret -kind of an attic- where he accidentally finds magical gifts given to him by fairies
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
Accidentally goes to town using said magical items where he
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
Falls in love with a charming young lady, realizes his mistakes, understands what his magical gifts are, and vows to slay the Firedrake. Now
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
Killing the Firedrake is beyond him, but not another foul creature known as the Remora which is as cold as the ’Drake is hot so
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
Prince Prigio taunts the Firedrake and
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
The Remora to
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
Battle each other to the death
(BEAT)
Whereupon he calls upon his Lady, Rosalind, and her father, Lord Kelso, the English Ambassador, but
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
Discovers his own father, King Grognio, has lay a reward for both him, Prince Prigio, and the Firedrake.
(BEAT)
Now, seeing as he can turn himself in, himself being Prince Prigio, and having killed the Firedrake, our tale would seem to be near an end, but it turns out one of the servants, Benson, accidently transported himself to the court on Prince Prigio’s magic carpet with the Firedrake’s horns and tail; leading to Prince Prigio, Lady Rosalind, and Amabassador Kelso to
SOUND: BELL DING
NARRATOR
Ponder what to do when Benson re-appears in the Ambassador’s home atop the magic carpet, along with the King, the queen, and the aforementioned parts of the Firedrake!
(BEAT)
Well, that worked rather well, I thought.
MUSIC: NEW CHAPTER MUSIC CUE
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
NARRATOR
Chapter Fourteen:- The King Explains
(BEAT)
The first who recovered his voice and presence of mind was Benson.
BENSON
Did your lordship ring for coffee?
NARRATOR
he asked, quietly; and when he was told
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Yes, thank you Benson
NARRATOR
he bowed and withdrew, with majestic composure. When he had gone, the prince threw himself at the king’s feet, crying:
PRINCE PRIGIO
Pardon, pardon, my liege!
KING GROGNIO
Don’t speak to me, sir!
NARRATOR
answered the king, very angrily; and the poor prince threw himself at the feet of the queen. But she took no notice of him whatever, no more than if he had been a fairy; and the prince heard her murmur, as she pinched her royal arms:
THE QUEEN
I shall waken presently; this is nothing out of the way for a dream. Dr. Rumpfino ascribes it to imperfect nutrition.
NARRATOR
All this time, the Lady Rosalind, as pale as a marble statue, was leaning against the side of the open window. The prince thought he could do nothing wiser than go and comfort her, so he induced her to sit down on a chair in the balcony, — for he felt that he was not wanted in the drawing-room; — and soon they were talking happily about the stars, which had begun to appear in the summer night. Meanwhile, the ambassador had induced the king to take a seat; but there was no use in talking to the queen.
THE QUEEN
It would be a miracle,
NARRATOR
she said to herself,
THE QUEEN
and miracles do not happen; therefore this has not happened. Presently, I shall wake up in my own bed at Falkenstein.
NARRATOR
Now, Benson, William, and Thomas brought in the coffee, but the queen took no notice. When they went away, the rest of the company slipped off quietly, and the king was left alone with the ambassador; for the queen could hardly be said to count in these circumstances.
KING GROGNIO
You want to know all about it, I suppose?
NARRATOR
said his majesty in a sulky voice.
KING GROGNIO
Well, you have a right to it, and I shall tell you. We were just sitting down to dinner at Falkenstein, rather late, — hours get later every year, I think — when I heard a row in the premises, and the captain of the guard, Colonel McDougal, came and told us that a man had arrived with the horns and tail of the Firedrake, and was claiming the reward. Her majesty and I rose and went into the outer court, where we found, sitting on that carpet with a glass of beer in his hand, a respectable-looking upper servant, whom I recognised as your butler. He informed us that he had just killed the beast, and showed us the horns and tail, sure enough; there they are! The tail is like the iron handle of a pump, but the horns are genuine. A pair were thrown up by a volcano, in my great-grandfather’s time Giglio the First. Excellent coffee this, of yours!
NARRATOR
The ambassador bowed at this last comment.
(BEAT)
Oh, but I should note, young listeners, those of you who are interested in the exploits of Giglio the First may do so in a treatise called “The Rose and the Ring,” by M. A. Titmarsh. London, 1855.
KING GROGNIO
Well, we asked him where he killed the Firedrake, and he said in a garden near Gluckstein. Then he began to speak about the reward, and the “perkisits,” as he called them, which it seems he had read about in my proclamation. Rather a neat thing; drew it up myself,
NARRATOR
added his majesty.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Very much to the point,
NARRATOR
said the ambassador, wondering what the king was coming to.
KING GROGNIO
Glad you like it,
NARRATOR
said the king, much pleased.
KING GROGNIO
Well, where was I? Oh, yes; your man said he had killed the creature in a garden, quite near Gluckstein. I didn’t much like the whole affair: he is an alien, you see; and then there was my niece, Molinda — poor girl, she was certain to give trouble. Her heart is buried, if I may say so, with poor Alphonso. But the queen is a very remarkable woman — very remarkable —
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Very!
NARRATOR
said the ambassador, with perfect truth.
THE QUEEN
“Calumny!”
KING GROGNIO
she cries to your butler,
THE QUEEN
“perjured knave, thou liest in thy throat! Gluckstein is a hundred leagues from here, and how sayest thou that thou slewest the molester, and earnest hither in a few hours’ space?”
KING GROGNIO
This had not occurred to me, — I am a plain king, but I at once saw the force of her majesty’s argument. “Yes,” said I; “how did you manage it?” But he — your man, I mean — was not a bit put out.
BENSON
“Why, your majesty,”
KING GROGNIO
says he,
BENSON
“I just sat down on that there bit of carpet, wished I was here, and here I ham. And I’d be glad, having had the trouble, — and my time not being my own, — to see the colour of them perkisits, according to the proclamation.”
KING GROGNIO
On this her majesty grew more indignant, if possible.
THE QUEEN
“Nonsense! A story out of the ‘Arabian Nights’ is not suited for a modern public, and fails to win æsthetic credence.”
KING GROGNIO
These were her very words.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Her majesty’s expressions are ever choice and appropriate,
NARRATOR
said the ambassador.
THE QUEEN
“Sit down there, on the carpet, knave,”
KING GROGNIO
she went on;
THE QUEEN
“ourself and consort”
KING GROGNIO
— meaning me —
THE QUEEN
“will take our places by thy side, and I shall wish us in Gluckstein, at thy master’s! When the experiment has failed, thy head shall from thy shoulders be shorn!”
KING GROGNIO
So your man merely said,
BENSON
“Very well, mum, — your majesty, I mean,”
KING GROGNIO
and sat down. The queen took her place at the edge of the carpet; I sat between her and the butler, and she said,
THE QUEEN
“I wish I were in Gluckstein!”
KING GROGNIO
Then we rose, flew through the air at an astonishing pace, and here we are! So I suppose the rest of the butler’s tale is true, which I regret; but a king’s word is sacred, and he shall take the place of that sneak, Prigio. But as we left home before dinner, and yours is over, may I request your lordship to believe that I should be delighted to take something to sup upon albeit cold?
NARRATOR
The ambassador at once ordered a sumptuous repast, to which the king did full justice; and his majesty was shown to the royal chamber, as he complained of fatigue. The queen accompanied him, remarking that she was sound asleep, but would waken presently. Neither of them said
KING GROGNIO
Good night!
THE QUEEN
Good night!
NARRATOR
to the prince. Indeed, they did not see him again, for he was on the balcony with Lady Rosalind. They found a great deal to say to each other, and at last the prince asked her to be his wife; and she said that if the king and her father gave their permission — why, then she would!
(BEAT)
After this she went to bed; and the prince, who had not slept at all the night before, felt very sleepy also. But he knew that first he had something that must be done. So he went into the drawing-room, took his carpet, and wished to be–now where do you suppose?
(BEAT)
Beside the dead body of the Firedrake!
(BEAT)
There he was in a moment; and dreadful the body looked, lying stark and cold in the white moonshine. Then the prince cut off its four hoofs, put them in his pouch, and with these he flew back in a second, and met the ambassador just as he came from ushering the king to bed.
(BEAT)
Then the prince was shown his own room, where he locked up the hoofs, the carpet, the cap of darkness, and his other things in an iron box; and so he went to bed and dreamed of his Lady Rosalind.
MUSIC: NEW CHAPTER MUSIC CUE
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
NARRATOR
Chapter Fifteen: The King’s Cheque
(BEAT)
When they all awakened next morning, their first ideas were confused. It is often confusing to wake in a strange bed, much more so when you have flown through the air, like the king, the queen, and Benson the butler.
(BEAT)
For her part, the queen was the most perplexed of all; for she did undeniably wake, and yet she was not at home, where she had expected to be. However, she was a determined woman, and stood to it that nothing unusual was occurring. The butler made up his mind to claim the crown princeship and the hand of the Lady Molinda; because, as he justly remarked to William, here was such a chance to better himself as might not soon come in his way again.
(BEAT)
As for the king, he was only anxious to get back to Falkenstein, and have the whole business settled in a constitutional manner. The ambassador was not sorry to get rid of the royal party; and it was proposed that they should all sit down on the flying carpet, and wish themselves at home again. But the queen would not hear of it: she said it was childish and impossible; so the carriage was got ready for her, and she started without saying a word of good-bye to anyone.
(BEAT)
The king, Benson, and the prince were not so particular, and they simply flew back to Falkenstein in the usual way, arriving there at 11.35 — a week before her majesty. The king at once held a Court; the horns and tail of the monster were exhibited amidst general interest, and Benson and the prince were invited to state their claims.
(BEAT)
Benson’s evidence was taken first. He declined to say exactly where or how he killed the Firedrake. There might be more of them left, he remarked, — young ones, that would take a lot of killing, — and he refused to part with his secret. Only he claimed the reward, which was offered, if you remember, not to the man who killed the beast, but to him what brought its horns and tail.
(BEAT)
This was allowed by the lawyers present to be very sound law; and Benson was cheered by the courtiers,
COURTIER ONE
Huzzah!
COURTIER TWO
Huzzah!
COURTIER THREE
Huzzah!
COURTIER FOUR
Huzzah!
COURTIER FIVE
Huzzah!
COURTIER SIX
Huzzah!
COURTIER SEVEN
Huzzah!
NARRATOR
who decidedly preferred him to Prigio, and who, besides, thought he was going to be crown prince.
(BEAT)
As for Lady Molinda, she was torn by the most painful feelings; for, much as she hated Prigio, she could not bear the idea of marrying Benson. Yet one or the other choice seemed certain. Unhappy lady!
(BEAT)
Perhaps no girl was ever more strangely beset by misfortune! Prince Prigio was now called on to speak. He admitted that the reward was offered for bringing the horns and tail, not for killing the monster. But were the king’s intentions to go for nothing? When a subject only meant well, of course he had to suffer; but when a king said one thing, was he not to be supposed to have meant another? Any fellow with a waggon could bring the horns and tail; the difficult thing was to kill the monster. If Benson’s claim was allowed, the royal prerogative of saying one thing and meaning something else was in danger.
(BEAT)
On hearing this argument, the king so far forgot himself as to cry,
KING GROGNIO
Bravo, well said!
NARRATOR
and to clap his hands, whereon all the courtiers shouted and threw up their hats.
COURTIER ONE
Huzzah!
COURTIER TWO
Huzzah!
COURTIER THREE
Huzzah!
COURTIER FOUR
Huzzah!
COURTIER FIVE
Huzzah!
COURTIER SIX
Huzzah!
COURTIER SEVEN
Huzzah!
NARRATOR
The prince then said that whoever had killed the monster could, of course, tell where to find him, and could bring his hoofs. He was ready to do this himself. Was Mr. Benson equally ready?
BENSON
(PANICKED GIBBERING)
NARRATOR
On this being interpreted to him — for he did not speak Pantouflian — Benson grew pale with horror, but fell back on the proclamation. He had brought the horns and tail, and so he must have the perquisites, and the Lady Molinda! The king’s mind was so much confused by this time, that he determined to leave it to the Lady Molinda herself.
KING GROGNIO
Which of them will you have, my dear?
NARRATOR
he asked, in a kind voice. But poor Molinda merely cried.
LADY MOLINDA
(SOBS)
NARRATOR
Then his majesty was almost driven to say that he would give the reward to whomsoever produced the hoofs within the week. But no sooner had he said this than the prince brought them out of his pouch, and displayed them in open Court.
(BEAT)
This ended the case; and Benson, after being entertained with sherry and sandwiches in the steward’s room, was sent back to his master, And I regret to say that his temper was not at all improved by his failure to better himself. On the contrary, he was unusually cross and disagreeable for several days; but we must, perhaps, make some allowance for his disappointment.
(BEAT)
But if Benson was irritated, and suffered from the remarks of his fellow-servants, I do not think we can envy Prince Prigio. Here he was, restored to his position indeed, but by no means to the royal favour. For the king disliked him as much as ever, and was as angry as ever about the deaths of Enrico and Alphonso. Nay, he was even more angry; and, perhaps, not without reason.
(BEAT)
He called up Prigio before the whole Court, and thereon the courtiers cheered like anything,
COURTIER ONE
Huzzah!
COURTIER TWO
Huzzah!
COURTIER THREE
Huzzah!
COURTIER FOUR
Huzzah!
COURTIER FIVE
Huzzah!
COURTIER SIX
Huzzah!
COURTIER SEVEN
Huzzah!
NARRATOR
but the king cried:
KING GROGNIO
Silence! McDougal, drag the first man that shouts to the serpent-house in the zoological gardens, and lock him up with the rattlesnakes!
COURTIER ONE
Oh!
COURTIER TWO
Oh!
COURTIER THREE
Um!
COURTIER FOUR
Meep!
COURTIER FIVE
Ooh!
COURTIER SIX
Whoops!
COURTIER SEVEN
Um!
NARRATOR
After that the courtiers were very quiet.
KING GROGNIO
Prince,
NARRATOR
said the king, as Prigio bowed before the throne,
KING GROGNIO
you are restored to your position, because I cannot break my promise. But your base and malevolent nature is even more conspicuously manifest in your selfish success than in your previous dastardly contempt of duty. Why, confound you!
NARRATOR
cried the king, dropping the high style in which he had been speaking, and becoming the father, not the monarch, —
KING GROGNIO
why, if you could kill the Firedrake, did you let your poor little brothers go and be b-—b—b—broiled? Eh! what do you say, you sneak? “You didn’t believe there were any Firedrakes?” That just comes of your eternal conceit and arrogance! If you were clever enough to kill the creature — and I admit that — you were clever enough to know that what everybody said must be true. “You have not generally found it so?” Well, you have this time, and let it be a lesson to you; not that there is much comfort in that, for it is not likely you will ever have such another chance.
NARRATOR
Here the king wept, among the tears of the lord chief justice, the poet laureate (who had been awfully frightened when he heard of the rattlesnakes), the maids of honour, the chaplain royal, and everyone but Colonel McDougal, a Scottish soldier of fortune, who maintained a military reserve.
(BEAT)
When his majesty had recovered, he said to Prigio (who had not been crying, he was too much absorbed and ashamed at the loss of his brothers):
KING GROGNIO
A king’s word is his bond. Bring me a pen, somebody, and my cheque-book.
NARRATOR
The royal cheque-book, bound in red morocco, was brought in by eight pages, with ink and a pen. His majesty then filled up and signed the following satisfactory document —
(BEAT)
(Ah! my children, how I wish we had a sponsor who would do as much for our programme!):
KING GROGNIO
There!
NARRATOR
said his majesty, crossing his cheque and throwing sand over it, for blotting-paper had not yet been invented;
KING GROGNIO
there, take that, and be off with you!
NARRATOR
Prince Prigio was respectfully but rapidly obeying his royal command, for he thought he had better cash the royal cheque as soon as possible, when his majesty yelled:
KING GROGNIO
Hey now! come back! I forgot something; you’ve got to marry Molinda!
MUSIC: NEW CHAPTER MUSIC CUE
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
NARRATOR
Chapter Sixteen: A Melancholy Chapter
(BEAT)
The prince had gone some way, when the king called after him. How he wished he had the seven-league boots on, or that he had the cap of darkness in his pocket!
(BEAT)
If he had been so lucky, he would now have got back to Gluckstein, and crossed the border with Lady Rosalind. In fact, he would have given up both his title and the money, for a pair of young people who really love each other could live happily on less than the cheque he had in his pocket. However, the king shouted very loud, as he always did when he meant to be obeyed, and the prince sauntered slowly back again.
KING GROGNIO
Prigio!
NARRATOR
said his majesty,
KING GROGNIO
where were you off to? Don’t you remember that this is your wedding-day? My proclamation offered, not only the money (which you have), but the hand of the Lady Molinda, which the Court chaplain will presently make your own. I congratulate you, sir; Molinda is a dear girl.
PRINCE PRIGIO
I have the highest affection and esteem for my cousin, sir,
NARRATOR
said the prince,
PRINCE PRIGIO
but —
LADY MOLINDA
I’ll never marry him!
NARRATOR
cried poor Molinda, kneeling at the throne, where her streaming eyes and hair made a pretty and touching picture.
LADY MOLINDA
Never! I despise him!
PRINCE PRIGIO
I was about to say, sir,
NARRATOR
the prince went on,
PRINCE PRIGIO
that I cannot possibly have the pleasure of wedding my cousin.
KING GROGNIO
The family gallows I presume, is in good working order?
NARRATOR
asked the king of the family executioner, a tall gaunt man in black and scarlet, who was only employed in the case of members of the blood royal needed shuffling of mortal coil.
FAMILY EXECUTIONER
Never better, sire,
NARRATOR
said the man, bowing with more courtliness than his profession indicated.
KING GROGNIO
Very well,
NARRATOR
said the king;
KING GROGNIO
Prince Prigio, you have your choice. There is the gallows, here is Lady Molinda. My duty is painful, but clear. A king’s word cannot be broken. Molly, or the sword!
NARRATOR
The prince bowed respectfully to Lady Molinda:
PRINCE PRIGIO
Madam, my cousin. Your clemency will excuse my answer, and you will not misinterpret the apparent discourtesy of my conduct. I am compelled, most unwillingly, to slight your charms, and to select the Extreme Rigour of the Law. Executioner, lead on! Do your duty; for me, Prigio est prêt;
NARRATOR
— for this was his motto, and meant that he was ready. Poor Lady Molinda could not but be hurt by the prince’s preference for death over marriage to her, little as she liked him.
LADY MOLINDA
Is life, then, so worthless? and is Molinda so terrible a person that you prefer those arms,
NARRATOR
and she pointed to the gallows,
LADY MOLINDA
to these?
NARRATOR
— here she held out her own, which, truth be told, were quite well-shaped and pretty; by any reasonable standard for judging arms. Besides, Molinda was a good-hearted lady, and she could not bear to see Prigio put to death; and then, perhaps, she reflected that there are worse positions than the queenship of Pantouflia.
(BEAT)
For Alphonso was gone — crying would not bring him back.
PRINCE PRIGIO
Ah, Madam!
NARRATOR
said the prince,
PRINCE PRIGIO
you are forgiving —
LADY MOLINDA
For you are brave!
NARRATOR
said Molinda, feeling: quite a respect for him.
LADY MOLINDA
But neither your heart nor mine is ours to give. Since mine was another’s, I understand too well the feeling of yours! Do not let us buy life at the price of happiness and honour.
NARRATOR
Oh, that’s perfect, really. Even if it isn’t quite the end of a chapter. I am, as they sometimes say in Pantouflia, verklempt.
MUSIC: CREDITS MUSIC CUE BEGINS
ANNOUNCERLAND
ANNOUNCER
You’ve been listening to Jabberwocky Audio Theater. Today’s presentation: Prince Prigo, part five of six.
(BEAT)
The story was written by Andrew Lang and lightly adapted for radio by Bjorn Munson. This program has been produced by Jabberwocky Audio Theater, in association with WERA-LP: Radio Arlington, ninety-six point seven FM, Arlington,Virginia.
(BEAT)
Featured in the cast were Bjorn Munson as the Narrator, Brooks Tegler as Benson, Joel Snyder as Ambassador Kelso, Nick DePinto as Prince Prigio, Kevin Murray as King Grognio, Mary Lechter as The Queen, Aimee Thibert as Lady Molinda, and William R. Coughlan as the Family Executioner, with additional voices by Mike Bernal, William R. Coughlan, Kim Davenport, Elizabeth Farrington, Tara Garwood, Bjorn Munson, and Brooks Tegler.
(BEAT)
Recorded at Tulgey Wood Studios in Deepest Springfield with supplemental recording in many other places. See our show notes on Jabber Audio dot come for details. There, you’ll also find our latest episodes and enough information to satisfy a prince.
PRINCE PRIGIO
Well, I’ll be satisfied when I find out what the Quorum is up to, I can tell you that much.
ANNOUNCER
You and me both.
(BEAT)
Dialogue editing by Maurice Malde with sound editing and final mixing by William R. Coughlan. Post-production services provided by Tohubohu Productions, LLC.
(BEAT)
If you’re enjoying Prince Prigio and the other yarns we spin at Jabberwocky Audio Theater, be sure to subscribe, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or your podcast provider of choice. Check out our Patreon page at Patreon dot com slash Team Jabberwocky for exclusive content, and to help us continue to bring you further tales of silliness, suspense, and high adventure.
(BEAT)
Until next time, this is Kim Davenport, saying thanks for listening… and tune in next week for part six, the final part of Prince Prigio!
MUSIC: CREDITS MUSIC CUE ENDS
Adaptation © Bjorn Munson, under license to Jabberwocky Audio Theater. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.