Episode Transcript
Through the Looking Glass
“Prince Prigio,” Part 4
ANNNOUNCERLAND
ANNOUNCER
Jabberwocky Audio Theater presents “Prince Prigio,” by Andrew Lang, part four of six.
EPISODE FOUR PROPER
NARRATOR
Welcome back, dear listeners. We’re now over halfway through the tale of Prince Prigio.
(BEAT)
Now, I’m certain that you have paid rapt attention to the first three installments, so a summary may be deemed superfluous, but it has been rather a lot of weeks, so to recap.
MUSIC: NEW CHAPTER MUSIC CUE
NARRATOR
In chapter one we learned of the real faux kingdom of the Pantouflia and the royal family.
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NARRATOR
In chapter two we learned about how Prince Prigio was so clever to be very annoying, enough so that
MUSIC: NEW CHAPTER MUSIC CUE
NARRATOR
In chapter three, the king, his father wishes him to die at the hands of the Firedrake. Alas, Prigio’s two brothers Alphonso and Enrico perish instead. This leads to
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NARRATOR
The entire court abandoning Prigio in chapter four which in turn leads to
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NARRATOR
Prince Prigio disovering a bunch of magical items in a something like an attic, but he doesn’t realize this so
MUSIC: NEW CHAPTER MUSIC CUE
NARRATOR
In chapter six he goes into town to eat while wearing a cap of darkness, which works as well as you may imagine and he isn’t seen but
MUSIC: NEW CHAPTER MUSIC CUE
NARRATOR
He sees a pretty girl and gets to know how kind she is and by chapter seven he falls in love with her, for this happens rather quickly in fairy tales and, truth be told, she is perfectly lovely.
(BEAT)
So, he promises to slay the Firedrake for her, but then
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NARRATOR
By chapter eight, he realizes this is really quite a tall order, so he researches a foe the Firedrake might fight and finds the Remora, a fiendish beast as cold as the Firedrake is hot and
MUSIC: NEW CHAPTER MUSIC CUE
NARRATOR
So, in chapter nine, wearing his cap of darkness and being magically nimble, he challenges the Firedrake on behalf of the Remora (unbeknownst to the Remora) and so we come to
MUSIC: NEW CHAPTER MUSIC CUE
NARRATOR
Chapter ten, where Prince Prigio is about to challenge the Remora on behalf of the Firedrake (unbeknownst to the Remora).
(BEAT)
My goodness, we are getting up there in chapters, aren’t we? I suppose we should fine a way to streamline these summaries further. Phew!
(BEAT)
The hill of the Remora was one solid mass of frozen steel, and the cold rushed out of it like the breath of some icy beast, which indeed it was. All around were things like marble statues of men in armour: they were the dead bodies of the knights, horses and all, who had gone out of old to fight the Remora, and who had been frosted up by him. The prince felt his blood stand still, and he grew faint; but he took heart, for there was no time to waste. Yet he could nowhere see the Remora.
PRINCE PRIGIO
Hi!
NARRATOR
shouted the prince.
(BEAT)
Then, from a narrow chink at the bottom of the smooth, black hill, — a chink no deeper than that under a door, but a mile wide, — stole out a hideous head! It was as flat as the head of a skate-fish, it was deathly pale, and two chill-blue eyes, dead-coloured like stones, looked out of it. Then there came a whisper, like the breath of the bitter east wind on a wintry day:
THE REMORA
Where are you, and how can I come to you?
PRINCE PRIGIO
Here I am!
NARRATOR
said the prince from the top of the hill. Then the flat, white head set itself against the edge of the chink from which it had peeped, and slowly, like the movement of a sheet of ice, it slipped upwards and curled upwards, and up, and up!
(BEAT)
There seemed no end to it at all; and it moved horribly, without feet, holding on by its own frost to the slippery side of the frozen hill. Now all the lower part of the black hill was covered with the horrid white thing coiled about it in smooth, flat shiny coils; and still the head was higher than the rest; and still the icy cold came nearer and nearer, like Death.
(BEAT)
The prince almost fainted: everything seemed to swim; and in one moment more he would have fallen stiff on the mountain-top, and the white head would have crawled over him, and the cold coils would have slipped over him and turned him to stone. And still the thing slipped up, from the chink under the mountain. But the prince made a great effort; he moved, and in two steps he was far away, down in the valley where it was not so very cold.
PRINCE PRIGIO
Hi!
NARRATOR
he shouted, as soon as his tongue could move within his chattering teeth. There came a clear, hissing answer, like frozen words dropping round him:
THE REMORA
Wait till I come down. What do you want?
NARRATOR
Then the white folds began to slide, like melting ice, from the black hill. Prince Prigio felt the air getting warmer behind him, and colder in front of him. He looked round, and there were the trees beginning to blacken in the heat, and the grass looking like a sea of fire along the plains; for the Firedrake was coming! The prince just took time to shout,
PRINCE PRIGIO
The Firedrake is going to pay you a visit!
NARRATOR
and then he soared to the top of a neighbouring hill, and looked on at what followed.
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CHAPTER ELEVEN
NARRATOR
Chapter Eleven: The Battle
(BEAT)
It was an awful sight to behold!
(BEAT)
When the Remora heard the name of the Firedrake, his hated enemy, he slipped with wonderful speed from the cleft of the mountain into the valley.
THE REMORA
(ANGRY HISS)
NARRATOR
On and on and on he poured over rock and tree, as if a frozen river could slide downhill; on and on, till there were miles of him stretching along the valley — miles of the smooth-ribbed, icy creature, crawling and slipping forwards. The green trees dropped their leaves as he advanced; the birds fell down dead from the sky, slain by his frosty breath!
(BEAT)
But, fast as the Remora stole forward, the Firedrake came quicker yet, flying and clashing his fiery wings. At last they were within striking distance; and the Firedrake, stooping from the air, dashed with his burning horns and flaming feet slap into the body of the Remora. Then there rose a steam so dreadful, such a white yet fiery vapour of heat, that no one who had not the prince’s magic glass could have seen what happened.
SOUND: HORNS BURNING PURPOSEFULLY
SOUND: FLAMING FEET SLAPPING
THE FIREDRAKE
(GRUNTS OF EXERTION)
(ANGRY ROARS)
NARRATOR
With horrible grunts and roars the Firedrake tried to burn his way right through the flat body of the Remora, and to chase him to his cleft in the rock. But the Remora, hissing terribly, and visibly melting away in places, yet held his ground; and the prince could see his cold white folds climbing slowly up the hoofs of the Firedrake — up and up, till they reached his knees, and the great burning beast roared like a hundred bulls with the pain.
THE FIREDRAKE
(ROARS OF PAIN)
NARRATOR
Then up the Firedrake leaped, and hovering on his fiery wings, he lighted in the midst of the Remora’s back, and dashed into it with his horns. But the flat, cruel head writhed backwards, and, slowly bending over on itself, the wounded Remora slid greedily to fasten again on the limbs of the Firedrake.
THE REMORA
(WOUNDED HISS)
PRINCE PRIGIO
(DELIGHTED MUNCHING)
NARRATOR
Meanwhile, the prince, safe on his hill, was lunching on his sandwich and snacks that he had brought with him.
PRINCE PRIGIO
Go it, Remora! Go it, Firedrake! you’re gaining. Give it him, Remora!
NARRATOR
he shouted in the wildest excitement. Nobody had ever seen such a battle; he had it all to himself, and he never enjoyed anything more. He hated the Remora so much, that he almost wished the Firedrake could beat it; for the Firedrake was the more natural beast of the pair.
(BEAT)
Still, he was alarmed when he saw that the vast flat body of the Remora was now slowly coiling backwards, backwards, into the cleft below the hill; while a thick wet mist showed how cruelly it had suffered. But the Firedrake, too, was in an unhappy way; for his legs were now cold and black, his horns were black also, though his body, especially near the heart, glowed still like red-hot iron.
THE FIREDRAKE
(PLAINTIVE HOWL)
PRINCE PRIGIO
Go it, Remora!
NARRATOR
cried the prince:
PRINCE PRIGIO
his legs are giving way; he’s groggy on his pins! One more effort, and he won’t be able to move!
THE REMORA
(A DELIGHTED HISS THAT BORDERS ON A CACKLE)
NARRATOR
Encouraged by this advice, the white, slippery Remora streamed out of his cavern again, more and more of him uncoiling, as if the mountain were quite full of him. He had lost strength, no doubt: for the steam and mist went up from him in clouds, and the hissing of his angry voice grew fainter; but so did the roars of the Firedrake. Presently they sounded more like groans; and at last the Remora slipped up his legs above the knees, and fastened on his very heart of fire. Then the Firedrake stood groaning like a black bull, knee-deep in snow; and still the Remora climbed and climbed.
THE FIREDRAKE
(GROAN OF PAIN)
PRINCE PRIGIO
Go it now, Firedrake!
NARRATOR
shouted the prince; for he knew that if the Remora won, it would be too cold for him to draw near the place, and cut off the Firedrake’s head and tail.
PRINCE PRIGIO
Go to it, Drake! he’s slackening!
NARRATOR
cried the prince again; and the brave Firedrake made one last furious effort, and rising on his wings, dropped just on the spine of his enemy. The wounded Remora curled back his head again on himself, and again crawled, steaming terribly, towards his enemy. But the struggle was too much for the gallant Remora. The flat, cruel head moved slower; the steam from his thousand wounds grew fiercer; and he gently breathed his last just as the Firedrake, too, fell over and lay exhausted. With one final roar, like the breath of a thousand furnaces, the Firedrake expired.
THE REMORA
(LAST GASP/HISS, THEN DEATH)
THE FIREDRAKE
(LAST GROAN, THEN DEATH)
NARRATOR
The prince, watching from the hill-top, could scarcely believe that these two awful scourges of Nature, which had so long devastated his country, were actually dead. But when he had looked on for half-an-hour, and only a river ran where the Remora had been, while the body of the Firedrake lay stark and cold, he hurried to the spot. Drawing the sword of sharpness, he hacked off, at two blows, the iron head and the tail of the Firedrake. They were a weary weight to carry; but in a few strides of the shoes of swiftness he was at his castle, where he threw down his burden, and nearly fainted with excitement and fatigue.
(BEAT)
But the castle clock struck half-past seven; dinner was at eight, and the poor prince crawled on hands and knees to the garret. Here he put on the wishing-cap; wished for a pint of champagne, a hot bath, and his best black velvet and diamond suit. In a moment these were provided; he bathed, dressed, drank a glass of wine, packed up the head and tail of the Firedrake; sat down on the flying carpet, and knocked at the door of the English Ambassador as the clocks were striking eight in Gluckstein. Punctuality is the politeness of princes; and a prince is polite when he is in love!
BENSON
Hullo.
NARRATOR
The prince was received at the door by a stout porter and led into the hall, where several butlers met him, and he laid the mortal remains of the Firedrake under the cover of the flying carpet.
PRINCE PRIGIO
My lady…
LADY ROSALIND
My lord…
NARRATOR
Then he was led upstairs, and he made his bow to the pretty lady, who, of course, made him a magnificent curtsy. She seemed prettier and kinder than ever. The prince was so happy, that he never noticed how something went wrong about the dinner.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Ahem!
(BEAT)
Really?
(BEAT)
Oh dear.
NARRATOR
The ambassador looked about, and seemed to miss someone, and spoke in a low voice to one of the servants, who answered also in a low voice, and what he said seemed to displease the ambassador. But the prince was so busy in talking to his lady, and in eating his dinner too, that he never observed anything unusual. He had never been at such a pleasant dinner!
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CHAPTER TWELVE
NARRATOR
Chapter Twelve: A Terrible Misfortune
(BEAT)
WHEN the ladies left, and the prince and the other gentlemen were alone, the ambassador appeared more gloomy than ever. At last he took the prince into a corner, on pretence of showing him a rare statue.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Does your royal highness not know that you are in considerable danger?
PRINCE PRIGIO
Still?
NARRATOR
said the prince, thinking of the Firedrake. The ambassador did not know what he meant, for he had never heard of the fight, but he answered gravely:
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Never more than now.
NARRATOR
Then he showed the prince two proclamations, which had been posted all about the town. Here is the first:
KING GROGNIO
TO ALL LOYAL SUBJECTS.
(BEAT)
Whereas, Our eldest son, Prince Prigio, hath of late been guilty of several high crimes and misdemeanours. First: By abandoning the post of danger against the Firedrake, whereby our beloved sons, Prince Alphonso and Prince Enrico, have perished, and been overdone by that monster. Secondly: By attending an unseemly revel in the town of Gluckstein, where he brawled in the streets. Thirdly: By trying to seduce away the hearts of our loyal subjects in that city, and to blow up a party against our crown and our peace. This is to give warning, That whoever consorts with, comforts, aids, or abets the said Prince Prigio, is thereby a partner in his treason; and That a reward of Five Thousand Purses will be given to whomsoever brings the said prince, alive, to our Castle of Falkenstein. Grognio Rex.
NARRATOR
And here is the second proclamation:
KING GROGNIO
Reward. The firedrake. Whereas, Our dominions have lately been devastated by a Firedrake (the Salamander Furiosus of Buffon); This is to advise all, That whosoever brings the horns and tail of the said Firedrake to our Castle of Falkenstein, shall receive Five Thousand Purses, the position of Crown Prince, with the usual perquisites, and the hand of the king’s niece, the Lady Molinda. Grognio Rex.
PRINCE PRIGIO
Hmm,
NARRATOR
said the prince;
PRINCE PRIGIO
I did not think his majesty wrote so well;
NARRATOR
and he would have liked to say,
PRINCE PRIGIO
Don’t you think we might join the ladies?
AMBASSADOR KELSO
But, sir,
NARRATOR
said the ambassador,
AMBASSADOR KELSO
the streets are lined with soldiers; and I know not how you have escaped them. Here, under my roof, you are safe for the moment; but a prolonged stay — excuse my inhospitality — could not but strain the harmonious relations which prevail between the Government of Pantouflia and that which I have the honour to represent.
PRINCE PRIGIO
We don’t want to fight; and no more, I think, do you,
NARRATOR
said the prince, smiling.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Then how does your royal highness mean to treat the proclamations?
PRINCE PRIGIO
Why, by winning these ten thousand purses. I can tell you, one million pounds is worth having,
NARRATOR
said the prince.
PRINCE PRIGIO
I’ll deliver up the said prince, alive, at Falkenstein this very night; also the horns and tail of the said Firedrake. But I don’t want to marry my Cousin Molly.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
May I remind your royal highness that Falkenstein is three hundred miles away? Moreover, my head butler, Benson, disappeared from the house before dinner, and I fear he went to warn Captain Kopzoffski that you are here!
PRINCE PRIGIO
That is nothing,
NARRATOR
said the prince;
PRINCE PRIGIO
but, my dear Lord Kelso, may I not have the pleasure of presenting Lady Rosalind with a little gift, a promise I made to her last night? Merely the head and tail of a Firedrake which I stalked this morning?
NARRATOR
The ambassador was so astonished that he ran straight upstairs, forgetting his manners, and crying:
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Linda! Linda! come down at once; here’s a surprise for you!
NARRATOR
Lady Rosalind came sweeping down, with a smile on her kind face. She guessed what it was, though the prince had said nothing about it at dinner.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Lead the way, your royal highness!
NARRATOR
cried the ambassador; and the prince offering Lady Rosalind his arm, went out into the hall, where he saw neither his carpet nor the horns and tail of the Firedrake! He turned quite pale, and said:
PRINCE PRIGIO
Will you kindly ask the servants where the little Persian prayer-rug and the parcel which I brought with me have been placed?
NARRATOR
Lord Kelso rang the bell, and in came all the servants, with William, the under-butler, at their head.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
William,
NARRATOR
said his lordship,
AMBASSADOR KELSO
where have you put his royal highness’s parcel and his carpet?
WILLIAM
Please, your lordship,
NARRATOR
said William,
WILLIAM
we think Benson have took them away with him.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
And where is Benson?
WILLIAM
We don’t know, your lordship. We think he have been taken away!
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Taken away — by whom?
NARRATOR
William stammered, and seemed at a loss for a reply.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Quick! answer! what do you know about it?
NARRATOR
William said at last, rather as if he were making a speech:
WILLIAM
Your royaliness, and my lords and ladies, it was like this. His royaliness comed in with a rug over his arm, and summat under it. And he lays it down on that there seat, and Thomas shows him into the droring-room. Then Benson says:
BENSON
Dinner’ll be ready in five minutes; how tired I do feel!
WILLIAM
Then he takes the libbuty of sitting hisself down on his royaliness’s rug, and he says, asking your pardon,
BENSON
I’ve had about enough of service here. I’m about tired, and I thinks of bettering myself. I wish I was at the king’s court, and butler.
WILLIAM
But before the words was out of his mouth, off he flies like a shot through the open door, and his royaliness’s parcel with him. I run to the door, and there he was, flying right hover the town, in a northerly direction. And that’s all I know; for I would not tell a lie, not if it was hever so. And me, and Thomas–as didn’t see it, — and cook, we thinks as how Benson was come for. And cook says as she don’t wonder at it, neither; for a grumblinger, more ill-conditioneder —
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Thank you, William,
NARRATOR
said Lord Kelso;
AMBASSADOR KELSO
that will do; you can go, for the present.
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CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NARRATOR
Chapter Thirteen: Surprises
(BEAT)
The prince said nothing, the ambassador said nothing, Lady Rosalind said never a word till they were in the drawing-room. It was a lovely warm evening, and the French windows were wide open on the balcony, which looked over the town and away north to the hills. Below them flowed the clear, green water of the Gluckthal And still nobody said a word. At last the prince spoke:
PRINCE PRIGIO
This is a very strange story, Lord Kelso!
AMBASSADOR KELSO
Very, sir!
NARRATOR
said the ambassador.
PRINCE PRIGIO
But true,
NARRATOR
added the prince;
PRINCE PRIGIO
at least, there is no reason in the nature of things why it shouldn’t be true.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
I can hardly believe, sir, that the conduct of Benson, whom I always found a most respectable man, deserved —
PRINCE PRIGIO
That he should have left the premises?
NARRATOR
said the prince.
PRINCE PRIGIO
Oh, no; it was a mere accident, and might have happened to any of us who chanced to sit down on my carpet.
NARRATOR
And then the prince told them, shortly, all about it: how the carpet was one of a number of fairy properties, which had been given him at his christening; and how so long a time had gone by before he discovered them; and how, probably, the carpet had carried the butler where he had said he wanted to go–namely, to the king’s Court at Falkenstein.
PRINCE PRIGIO
It would not matter so much,
NARRATOR
added the prince,
PRINCE PRIGIO
only I had relied on making my peace with his majesty, my father, by aid of those horns and that tail. He was set on getting them; and if the Lady Rosalind had not expressed a wish for them, they would to-day have been in his possession.
LADY ROSALIND
Oh, sir, you honour us too highly,
NARRATOR
murmured Lady Rosalind; and the prince blushed and said:
PRINCE PRIGIO
Not at all! Impossible!
NARRATOR
Then, of course, the ambassador became quite certain that his daughter was admired by the crown prince, who was on bad terms with the king of the country; and a more uncomfortable position for an ambassador–however, they are used to them.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
What on earth am I to do with the young man?
NARRATOR
he thought.
AMBASSADOR KELSO
He can’t stay here for ever; and without his carpet he can’t get away, for the soldiers have orders to seize him as soon as he appears in the street. And in the meantime Benson will be pretending that he killed the Firedrake — for he must have got to Falkenstein by now, — and they will be for marrying him to the king’s niece, and making my butler crown prince to the kingdom of Pantouflia! It is dreadful!
NARRATOR
Now all this time the prince was on the balcony, telling Lady Rosalind all about how he got the Firedrake done for, in the most modest way; for, as he said:
PRINCE PRIGIO
I didn’t kill him: and it is really the Remora, poor fellow, who should marry Molly; but he’s dead.
NARRATOR
At this very moment there was a whizz in the air; something shot past them, and, through the open window, the king, the queen, Benson, and the mortal remains of the Firedrake were shot into the ambassador’s drawing room!
(PAUSE)
And that, as it happens, is both the end of our time and the chapter. Have at it, announcer woman!
MUSIC: CREDITS MUSIC CUE BEGINS
ANNOUNCERLAND
ANNOUNCER
You’ve been listening to Jabberwocky Audio Theater. Today’s presentation: Prince Prigo, part four of six.
(BEAT)
The story was written by Andrew Lang and lightly adapted for radio by Bjorn Munson. This program has been produced by Jabberwocky Audio Theater, in association with WERA-LP: Radio Arlington, ninety-six point seven FM, Arlington,Virginia.
(BEAT)
Featured in the cast were Bjorn Munson as the Narrator, Nick DePinto as Prince Prigio, Aimee Thibert as The Remora, Joel Snyder as the Firedrake and Ambassador Kelso, Brooks Tegler as Benson, Tara Garwood as Lady Rosalind, Kevin Murray as King Grognio, and William R. Coughlan as William… not R. Coughlan.
(BEAT)
Recorded at Tulgey Wood Studios in Deepest Springfield with supplemental recording in many other places. See our show notes on Jabber Audio dot com for details. There, you’ll also find our latest episodes and enough information to satisfy a prince.
PRINCE PRIGIO
It’s true. I’ve started listening to the other stories and I don’t know about this Aidan Vosky character…
ANNOUNCER
I’m not saying anything.
(BEAT)
Dialogue editing by Maurice Malde with sound editing and final mixing by William R. Coughlan. Post-production services provided by Tohubohu Productions, LLC.
(BEAT)
If you’re enjoying Prince Prigio and the other yarns we spin at Jabberwocky Audio Theater, be sure to subscribe, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or your podcast provider of choice. Check out our Patreon page at Patreon dot com slash Team Jabberwocky for exclusive content, and to help us continue to bring you further tales of silliness, suspense, and high adventure.
(BEAT)
Until next time, this is Kim Davenport, saying thanks for listening… and tune in next week for part five of Prince Prigio!
MUSIC: CREDITS MUSIC CUE ENDS
Adaptation © Bjorn Munson, under license to Jabberwocky Audio Theater. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.